The Struggle is Real

Hi hi,

It's me. Again. Who would have thought that I would go from writing one blog post a year to a whomping two per month? Def not me. Love it or hate it, it is what it is. Butttttt I'm going to assume you love it because you actually took a precious nanosecond out of your day to click on my blog (That or you're just insanely curious about my OH SO THRILLING life). Nonetheless, whatever your reason may be, welcome!

In this post, I am going to discuss my latest struggle & no, this is not a "let me vent" post. There's always Facebook for that....right??? Right?! Okay, if you failed to pick up on my sarcasm and actually agreed with that statement, then allow me to change your life. This may be a challenge but with time and practice, I think you could do it. Okay, ready? Here it is: STOP. B*TCHING. ON. SOCIAL. MEDIA. That is all. Life changer. I promise. If you don't like something, don't complain about it. In fact, just read my old post (The Tipping Point) for more information on that tidbit.

Jesus, I am all over the place...as usual. I'll stop the ranting and just dive right into my struggle. Guys, I don't feel anything anymore. No, not literally, no paralysis here, but figuratively speaking. I genuinely think that I have reached my threshold of just no longer giving a shit about certain things. And you know, I'm sitting here wondering what on God's earth that is filled with rainbows and sunshine could have ever allowed me to ever feel this way? *Insert thinking emoji* Well, for starters, humanity. I'll summarize it with that since I promised this wouldn't be a b*tch fest and told you guys not to use the internet as an outlet for frustrations. CYBERBULLYING IS NOT COOL EITHER!

I guess the "struggle" I'm referring to (today) really stems from relationships with the opposite sex. I think 90% of the people I know ranging from 25-35 years old are basically married and have children. Not hating, not jealous, not bitter...really, guys, God bless! This is aimed at my fellow remaining 10% that are still standing strong. I know you all have a lot of similar frustrations. I totally feel ya, it's slim pickings out there. There's a special breed of people we come across known as Generation F: Generation FUCKED UP & FRUSTRATING. The games are so tedious. The unspoken rules are seriously ridiculous. No, I do not want to time myself before responding to someone so that I don't come off as "Overly excited." I saw your text, if I don't respond then the likelihood is I will forget it ever existed and respond days later when I'm scrolling through my phone at night attempting to fall asleep. What should be flattering is now recognized as being a Stage-7 Clinger. Also, your arbitrary list that you expect me to match is ridiculous so please find the exit sign and show yourself out. Perhaps take some time to learn about communication, priorities and maturity in the mean time, it might do you good. Can't I just send 1924858 texts in a row if that's what I feel like?! THAT'S NORMAL! RIGHT?! & dammit, why do I need to guess if you're into me for an extended period of time? Really, it's not fun. Not anymore. We're not kids; let's respect each other enough to not act like it. My time is valuable and you're wasting it. Quite frankly I just do not want to engage in this mother effin game anymore. I'm forfeiting. White flag. I quit. Over. Done.

Am I sad that nothing has worked out with any guy I've spoken to at this point? Absolutely not (Sorry, fellas - sucks to suck). Reason? That person typically earns the title of F*ckboy before I get the opportunity to even be invested or quite simply, I just wasn't into it. This isn't an attack on males by any means, this goes to both genders. The older we get, the pickier we get. We're also becoming insanely independent; it's seemingly more difficult to get out of our routine in order to make room to invite someone in especially when we keep being given reasons not to. And if I'm being honest, my red flag radar has quickly gone from not working to picking up signals 2815903 miles away. So as soon as I see that glimmer of red waving at me, I go running ...far. Goodbye. *Cue Chris Brown "Deuces"* With time, I've realized that even when there isn't necessarily an alarming red flag - I'm incredibly hesitant to put myself out there, to be vulnerable, to care too much, to feel too much, to be curious, to "give it a chance." I've just dealt with one too many crappy situations to give a shit. I have 0 tolerance lately. Like I said 0 f*cks, f*cks defient, the tank of f*cks has been depleted.

Call it what you want. Harsh? Cold? Fear? Badass? Idgaf (ba-dum-tss). Because here's what I've concluded, I don't need to "play the game" or "guess" if it's right. Geez, I would hope at this point in my life, I will just know if the person is the one (Ahhh snap, check out that hint of romanticism). I apply this concept to everything: If something isn't an "HELL YES," then it's basically a "no." Sorry, I don't want to "maybe" be enthusiastic about the person I'm talking to. I don't want to "maybe" trust him. I don't want to "maybe" know he's into me. & I certainly don't want to "maybe" think we have a chance of this working. So ya, I don't feel anymore because well, I haven't been given reason to. & I'll keep going about filling with my life with epic things until then. #selflove

Okay, I promised I wouldn't vent and I know I epically failed - almost as badly as Steve Harvey announcing Miss Universe. By the way, how awkward was it when they took the crown off the girl? Digressing again. Anyway, I'm concluding with this: If it isn't a "hell yes," then it's a "no."So don't ever be disappointed at those. Your "F*CK YES" is coming, I promise.